I’m a horrible blogger. Seriously.
I never update. I never post photos. It’s quite pathetic actually. My last 6 1/2 months or so in Korea I’m going to try to d a better job at this… or maybe I should just start an entirely new blog. No idea.
I’m quitting my horrible job next month. I have an internship lined up at an NGO starting in June when I arrive back in the US. So far so good…. just still got my fingers crossed on the Human Rights Watch fellowship!
The past month has been trying, to say the least. I don’t like to be a person who complains but the past year of my life has been one of the most stressful. Dealing with a grandparent’s death (to whom I was VERY close to) followed immediately by being told my parents are divorcing (to then being told they weren’t), typical stress of class and work then being told AGAIN that, no, for real, they’re getting divorced… and all of this piled on top of my father’s impending deployment to Afghanistan. Sometimes I really don’t know how I’ve made it more than 4 years in Korea… away from my family and creature comforts.
True, I’ve made a home for myself here. I LOVE my friends here and they’re incredibly supportive but in the end, I will always be a “foreigner” here and will always be called that no matter how good I speak Korean.
I’ve decided to leave Korea. Now, I still have some time as I won’t be leaving until the middle-end of June when my thesis will be completed. I can’t leave any later than that or the temps will be too hot to fly my dog home. I’m going to take the summer to relax and come up with a game plan. I’m applying for two fellowships with Human Rights Watch this week and IF I get one I’d be starting in September 2012. If I don’t get one of the fellowships I’ll spend the summer applying for NGO jobs in the US and if that fails (meaning: no job within 2-3 months) I’ll start my back-up plan, which could be anything from applying to a one year volunteer program with VSO or a two year program with the Peace Corps, coming back to Korea to find an NGO job or even going to a new country… like India or Tanzania. I have no idea.
All I know is… I need a break. A break from being the “white girl”, the “foreigner”, the object of everyone’s incessant staring. I need some time to feel “normal” again and not like a freak.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so exhausted in my entire life. Not even when I was working 72 hours a week at with abused kids back in the US. Until September 19th I have to work two jobs… my job at the elementary school (to finish my contract) and my new job that was supposed to start on September 20th. However, my new boss fired someone and needed me to start sooner. It’s been so incredibly stressful as she is a tyrant and the hours are so spread out during the day. Mondays and Wednesdays I’ve been working from 630am until 10pm (not getting home until after 1030pm), Tuesday/Thursday 12pm-10pm and Saturdays 9a-530p plus my regular Friday shift at the elementary school.
It’s really hard to get a good night’s sleep when you have to wake up at 5a but don’t get home until almost 11p. It takes some time to wind down after work even if you’re exhausted. It doesn’t help that the semester has just started today and all the young, immature and incredibly loud drunk Korean students are back and hanging out outside my apartment at all hours of the night being loud.
I’m holding out for Chuseok… that gives me a three day weekend (it would be 4 if it weren’t for my new job… ugh). Because of my boss lying to me during the interview, I will be working full-time hours at the school (30 hours per week) instead of the agreed-upon 20 hours. Since this has happened I cannot finish my thesis this semester. There is no time because I have 5 courses this semester (one is a “Gender and Development” class that I’m taking for my own satisfaction and is not needed) so I’ve been forced to stay an extra semester just to finish my thesis.
It really sucks that I won’t be able to graduate with my class so I probably won’t end up even going to graduation. I don’t like the third semester students in my program and do not want to “celebrate” finishing grad school with a bunch of gossiping kids. If I had been planning this all along I wouldn’t feel so bad about it but it’s something I don’t want and have been forced into doing. I’m just trying to remind myself that this will ensure that my thesis is well-written.
5am wake-up call and it’s already 1130p… I really want to cry. haha
I found out this summer that I’d have to quit my current job because of my class schedule next semester. There are some required courses I still have to take and with them being offered only at one time, I don’t have any choice so I’ve spent the past month crazily searching for jobs that would work with my new schedule since I’m not lucky enough to have parents who are able (or even willing) to pay for my life this last semester of grad school. I’ve applied to so much, have many interviews lined up this week and next but had my heart set on one job here. I had an interview last Saturday and it seemed to go well but I had to wait until “Tuesday or Wednesday” to find out if I got it or not. After 6pm Wednesday, I just assumed I didn’t get it and began frantically applying to jobs even if they were 90 minutes away (each way) by subway.
Thankfully around 10pm last night the owner of the school called me and offered me the job. I was supposed to go there today at 530p to sign my contract but an hour before I got a phone call from her saying that my current employer would not approve a second job on my visa because my contract ends next month. So I called them and thankfully it seemed to be a misunderstanding. Instead, they’re releasing me from my contract so I can easily just transfer my current work visa to a new job. *Phew* I was seriously freaking out and about to cry. My manager is trying to set up a meeting with my school’s principal to get the release form signed and then I’ll sign my new contract with the new school and go to Immigration to get a new visa.
That has killed two birds with one stone… my two biggest stressors right now: visa and job. Pure, unadulterated relief that’s for sure.
The new job seems pretty awesome except for the fact that I have to dress up for each shift. I only own one pair of black pants and while I own several dresses, I’m not comfortable wearing them so I’m going to order a black and a navy skirt from this awesome girl on Etsy (made to my measurements so I know they’ll fit and to the length I want so I know I’ll wear them haha). I have a lot of cute, work appropriate tops so I’m not worried about that… I’m just a serious jeans girl. haha
I wish professors would post the syllabus for their classes on our school site… most of them don’t. I’m trying to decide between two horrible classes and would like to just take the one with the least amount of assignments. haha I’m going to be stuck with the worst prof for Research Methods (Statistics), International Business, US Foreign Policy (which should actually be okay) and another “area studies” class that I don’t want to take. On top of this, I have to write my thesis… and I haven’t done shit this summer on it. I’ve got about two weeks before classes start (Aug. 29th) and then a 5 day weekend for Chuseok (like Korean Thanksgiving) so I’m hoping to get a decent amount of work done in that time. I know thesis defense is in November but I’m not sure if it’s the beginning or end of the month.
Well… time to meet a friend for dinner and then watch an episode of “Hoarders” to ignite the cleaning desire in me…
I’m in the last 2 1/2 weeks or so before my final semester of grad school starts. I can’t believe I’m finally in the last semester and what a nightmare of a semester it will be. I’m stuck taking classes I hate because I’ve had to work every semester. Because of these classes I have to quit my job so I’m trying to find a new job with earlier or later working hours. I had an interview today that seems promising teaching university-aged Koreans at a pretty cool school so we’ll see. I’ll know by Tuesday or Wednesday next week what the result is. It’s pretty close to my house so I’m really crossing my fingers for this one.
I’m also trying to update/edit my resume and get some cover letters written. I’m applying for two fellowships and one job with Human Rights Watch. If I were so lucky to get one of the fellowships I’d be heading back to the western world to NYC, DC or London but the job would place me in Vietnam or Cambodia. Human Rights Watch is my dream job so I’m really crossing my fingers. Thankfully I’ve had some great professors so they’re working on my recommendations.
Back to work!
Two more weeks til vacation! So excited that my best friend is coming to visit during my vacation… much better than just spending a week at home (even if it would give me a lot of time to work on my thesis haha). I’m trying to get everything planned out and make reservations for stuff. I really want to show her a good time and help her see why I love Korea. So far I’ve booked a traditional performance (complete with dancing, pansori- a kind of traditional storytelling singing thing, drums, etc) and a tour to the DMZ. It’s pretty expensive but I figure after 4 years here I really need to do it and she’s really excited about seeing everything. I’ve the typical palace-temple-Namsan Tower-kind of stuff planned out but I need to check what’s going on at the museums too.
I can’t believe my dad is going to Afghanistan soon. I’m REALLY not excited about it. My sister and I are really worried because he’s going to be in the field. This is much different than his last deployment to Kuwait in 2007-2008. I didn’t have to really worry too much then but Afghanistan is a different story. My cousin is nearing the end of his deployment in Afghanistan and thankfully he’s now doing some office work on the base do to a back injury (not thankfully) so I don’t have to worry about him as much now either.
People don’t understand the stress and burden that military families face. That constant worry for your loved ones is so hard to bear. I wish I could go home before my dad leaves but I have no time or money to do so. I’m thankful I was able to go home at Christmas at least.
As soon as I start feeling bored with summer vacation (and only two weeks in, might I add) life picks up the pace. Now, I could, and should, be working on my thesis but that hasn’t happened yet. Will have to force myself next week…
However, there are two things I’m super excited about. First is I’ve been offered a volunteer position with an amazing NGO to teach ESL to women in Kandahar, Afghanistan via Skype. I’m pretty excited. The woman I talked to is going to match me with a woman ASAP so I can get started. I had to commit for 3 months but hope it’s something I can continue. She said there are some women who have been studying with their teachers for 2 years! What a great relationship. The women and girls age from ages 12 to 28 and are the brightest at the community center they’re studying at. Kandahar is a very dangerous area and I’m so happy to be able to do something to help these girls (even if I hate teaching English at the moment– I’m so burnt out). I’m hoping to move to a mentor position as the need for English teachers hopefully drops.
The second exciting thing is that my best friend is coming to visit! I have a week’s vacation the first week of August when basically the whole country has vacation. At the last minute she decided to come and booked her flight last weekend. When I talk to friends and family back home they always say something like, “Yeah, I’d come visit. I’d never go to Korea otherwise” but then it never happens. I think there’s this perception of Korea outside of the region that is incorrect. I don’t know what people expect. I think the pervasiveness of North Korea in western media has severely tainted the image of the South (something we’ve talked heavily about in my program and something I had the honor of discussing with the man in charge of the “branding” of Korea at the national tourism agency). It’s like people outside of east Asia expect Korea to be this lower level developing country when it couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I LOVE it when people come to visit me here because the whole time they’re here it’s like they can’t say anything except “Oh my god. Wow. Really? This is great.” I recently had my former German exchange sister and her friend come visit. They both said this was nothing like they expected and they loved it. My sister fell in love with Korea and visited twice. She forced all of her friends to start frequenting a Korean restaurant in our city and now she works there. Now my best friend will come and I will get to show her why this city, this country has captivated my heart.
I know I complain often here about Korea but that’s the stupid stuff that isn’t so important at the end of the day. When the winning Olympic bid for the 2018 Olympics was announced and Pyeongchang, South Korea was the winner… it felt as if a city in the U.S. got the winning bid. I posted on Facebook that I was happy my adopted home won the bid to which a Korean friend said “Thank you for saying this is your adopted home…” but it’s true. I love this place. At times, I hate things that happen, of course. This is no different than if I was living in the U.S. complaining about stupid Americans. But I LOVE this place. I love how bustling Seoul is even at 3am. I love how everything is so convenient. I love the ease of transportation and even the creepy taxi drivers who feel the need to carry on full conversations with me because I’m the “first foreigner they’ve met who speaks Korean” (they should just say the first “white foreigner” though haha). I love the food (my god, do I LOVE the food here). I love speaking Korean. I love Korea… thoroughly and honestly.
Coming here was not my initial plan but I’m glad it happened.
There’s been a reoccurring theme with friends since I’ve come to Korea. I’d worry that it’s just me except it’s happened to everyone I know. Why do Koreans often turn out to be the fakest of friends? Now, by no means am I saying all or most but it’s happened a lot. All of my female non-Korean friends, regardless if they’re from the US, Canada, Europe, China, Southeast Asia etc- have all complained about Korean females turning out to be bitches (back-stabbing, talking behind your back, etc). I was warned about this before coming to Korea but didn’t put too much into it. After it happened to be several times, I put up some sort of a wall to protect myself.
Now I’ve noticed a couple Korean male friends doing this. Well, not in such a catty manner as girls but just ending up being so douchey. I know this isn’t necessarily a “Korean thing” (well, maybe the girls haha) it’s just weird that it happens so often. I’m of the thought that there’s no point in keeping people in my life that don’t add something positive so it’s usually no problem for me to cut my losses and move on but recently it’s happened with a friend who I considered to be close (by his words). I know there’s this whole “don’t talk about your feelings” thing here but is it so hard to just say “I’m dealing with some personal stuff so please be understanding while I deal with it?” I mean… these people are in their late 20s/early 30s. Time to grow up kids!
This semester is FINALLY over. UGH. Seriously. This has been the worst semester. With everyone else being plagued with an extreme lack of motivation, it surely didn’t help me stay on task. I just submitted my final paper of the semester about 5 minutes ago. My last final exam was Monday and while the questions were incredibly easy I was so unfocused that my writing was pretty crap. I’ll just keep hoping that my professor’s love for me secures me another A+ in his class (because I surely don’t want to pay for tuition next semester… come on 100% scholarship!).
To make this last paper of the semester even harder, I got super sick a couple days ago. I’ve lost my voice, been plagued by coughing fits and just generally felt like shit. I haven’t slept a full night (no more than 3 or 4 hours) each night in the past two weeks or so. I’m hoping that since the stress of the end of the semester is done that I’ll finally sleep.
I plan to enjoy the next week or two with nothing except my teaching job and fully relax. Then I need to start reading all 51 articles I’ve collected for my thesis, take notes on them, create the outline for my thesis and get writing. If I keep it to 3 or 4 pages every week of writing I won’t get overwhelmed by it I think. Er… well… I hope.
On that note, I’m off to enjoy some old Oprah shows I’ve downloaded and tuck in early (I’m hoping by 1030pm I will just pass out since I can sleep til 10a tomorrow).
Cheers!~
Life has finally slowed down. My classes are finished and I’m left with two papers (both due on the 14th) and two final exams, one this Tuesday and one on the 13th. I’m not really worried about the work I’ve got left. One paper is a group paper so I should only write about 4 pages but then I’ll have to spend quite a bit of time editing because I’m the only native English speaker and the second paper is for a prof. I really love and respect so it’s easy to put forth effort. The finals should be easy as well… one is a 24-hour take-home exam on Tuesday and I got reallllly lucky that the school I teach at is closed that day and the second is for a class where the professor loves me and I always get an A+ (and his tests aren’t hard… choose 2 out of 6 essays or something).
After feeling like crap and what seems to be a 4lb. weight gain, I’m finally back to exercising. I let myself sleep in so I’d be rested and with no excuses. Got up at 10a, ate half a banana and waited the 30 minutes my trainer said I should wait (though, he said 1 hour is better but who has time for that?) and then I worked out for about an hour doing cross-training stuff (some weights, push-ups, etc). Somehow I’ve managed to maintain the cardio endurance I built up. I wasn’t tired in between sets like when I first started but I can definitely tell that my muscles have gotten weaker.
I can sit here and be angry at myself for letting my workouts get pushed off my priority list when life got crazy busy but there’s no point. The only thing I can do is start again and keep going. I forgot how awesome I feel after workouts. This feeling alone should be enough to keep me going but we’ll see. I’m going to do my best and hopefully be down 30lbs by my birthday (9/6). Given the amount of weight I have to lose, I think it’s doable. Just need to keep myself accountable.
